Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Prince Gomolvilas' LiveJournal:

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Sunday, June 18th, 2006
11:43 pm	How to Defect The Prince Gomolvilas Online Journal has officially moved to http://bamboonation.blogspot.com. Please join me there now and forever, would you? Thank you. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 11th, 2006
9:44 pm	How to Stoke a Love Affair With Yourself Reporting From Chico, California. Loren and I are up in Chico (yes, that Chico) dealing with some pretty serious family business. But I've found a way to at least temporarily keep my mind off things: reading news articles about me over and over again, as it pertains to my magnum opus, The Fabulous Adventures of Captain Queer, which just opened yesterday. We've enjoyed some full houses, enthusiastic audiences, hooting and hollering, and people laughing their way out of the theater and throwing out phrases like "perverse," "sick," and "that's so wrong." I take them all as the perfect compliments, as long as they're laughing hard despite themselves before hurling accusations of bad taste. And now onto my press: Here's a big gay feature on the show in the Big Gay Issue of the Sunday Datebook: San Francisco Chronicle — June 11, 2006 Queer Hero Here's an interview with me on a Gay-Ass site: Gay.com — June 2006 Captain Queer playwright's a real Prince: Award-winning gay Thai-American writer Prince Gomolvilas jokes about Hollywood, fantasy theater and his various identities And check out these too: Bay Area Reporter — June 8, 2006 Local gay playwrights make good: New plays by Prince Gomolvilas and Peter Sinn Nachtrieb SFist — June 6, 2006 Stage Fog: Make Us Laugh San Francisco Arts Monthly — June 2006 Quick Takes: The Fabulous Adventures of Captain Queer Theatre Bay Area Magazine — June/July 2006 Editor's Pick: The Fabulous Adventures of Captain Queer (Not Available Online) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
12:18 pm	How to Elaborate on Ass-Related Topics Reporting From San Francisco, California. A few posts ago, I instructed the world how to buy pants. It's all about the ass. Well, the entry provoked more questions than it gave answers, so I decided to elaborate and write an entire news article on the subject. It's available on the Associated Content site: "How to Make Your Ass Look Good in Pants." I hope you enjoy it. And if you do, will you please click on the rating button underneath the headline? Also, you can e-mail the article to those friends of yours who really need it. It gives me more clout on the site and allows me to keep on doing what I'm doing--namely, making sure your ass looks good. www.associatedcontent.com/humor (Comment on this)
Friday, May 12th, 2006
12:13 am	How to Surf the Internet Productively Reporting From San Francisco, California. While perusing the Web site of Wet, makers of personal lubricant, I came across (ahem, wrong choice of words) their line of flavored lubricant: Aside from the obvious Kiwi-Strawberry, they also manufacture Passion Fruit Punch and Sweet Cherry. Now: am I missing something here? Why would you want or need flavored lubricant? I don't understand. Do you hear me? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Please advise. www.wetinternational.com (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
12:01 am	How to Trick Republicans Reporting From San Francisco, California. After Mysterious Skin (my play based on the novel by Scott Heim) closed in San Francisco, I contacted theaters around the country to see who would be next to pick it up. I had no doubt that it would catch on like wildfire. After all, audiences loved the very disturbing but hopeful play (I heard reports of people wandering the streets in a daze after the show and folks sitting in the theater sobbing long after it was over), and it yielded some of the best reviews of my career (even though all theater critics' mothers suck cocks in hell). But no one would bite. One of most cutting-edge theaters in New York wrote me a letter to tell me that they would never do the play because it was much too graphic. And if that theater said it was too graphic, then I knew the play didn't stand a chance pretty much anywhere else. It's three years later, and Mysterious Skin finally receives a second production--in Orange motherfucking County, which is some kind of poetic justice, I suppose. I like how, on the theater's website, the show description includes this note: "Warning: Contains explicit sex and nudity." And, yes, it's in italics like that. The show runs June 2 to July 1 at Rude Guerrilla Theater Company in Santa Ana, California. Click here for more info. The graphic for the poster is way cool. It communicates a lot about the play without communicating very much at all, and it will definitely trick the Republicans into thinking the play is a light-hearted romp about the indomitable spirit of children. Exactly how many Republicans will run screaming from the theater at intermission? We shall see. And we can only hope. (A note to my Republican friends: This is satire. Don't be offended. Stop being Republican. I love you.) www.rudeguerrilla.org www.scottheim.com (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
11:30 am	How to React to Your Environment Reporting From San Francisco, California. A couple of days ago I was in downtown San Francisco. On my way to get a chocolate-covered marshmallow from Godiva, I was caught up in the huge-ass immigration march that was making its way down Market Street. Though I found the protest extremely moving (I am a child of immigrants), my very first thought was: "Damn, there are a lot of Mexicans!" www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/05/02/IMMIGBA.TMP (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
10:23 am	How to Educate Half the World Reporting From San Francisco, California. Every day that my Oskar show (the play about literacy that toured elementary schools) was performed, I was sent a performance report from the stage manager, who gave me a breakdown of everything that happened and how kids reacted. There's some great stuff in those reports, but my favorite is an overheard conversation between two fifth graders after a show. STUDENT ONE:  Books suck. STUDENT TWO:  No. You suck. This is supposed to be an educational theater piece, so...one out of two ain't bad. Oskar rotates into the theater's regular repertory of kids' touring shows some time next season. Hot damn! www.theatreworks.org/edu_touring.htm ~~~~~ A few weeks ago I was in the recording studio once again with the pop-punk band Inverness, who is about halfway through laying down all the tracks for its debut full-length album, which is due out this summer and which I am executive producing. Don't you love it when I throw a tantrum in the studio and I scream, "This is my band, and I decide who lives and who dies! My god! If I want something done right, then I have to do it myself!"--at which point I smash a guitar, sock the drummer in the jaw, and get behind the drum kit myself to lay down some phat pop-punk beats. I've always wanted to create sweet music, and the band has been itching to take it all to the next level. We are making each other's dreams come true. Please note: that is one of the sagest pieces of advice you will ever receive from me. That's how you accelerate your dreams. Trade. It's good motivation. But what's also good motivation is when I get to take pictures of James, the lead singer, from interesting angles. The band plays a rockin' set on May 14th at Annie's Social Club (formerly the lesbianic Cherry Bar) in San Francisco. I'll be there; will you? Hot damn! www.invernessmusic.com ~~~~~ I haven't been back to Los Angeles for what seems like a very long time, which means I am missing my dear dear Pork Chop very much. I don't think Loren feeds him enough when I am gone. Hot damn! www.phsspca.org (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
3:59 pm	How to Be Famous Reporting From Glendale, California. Chocolate fountains are mesmerizing. They call to you, like sirens in the sea, luring you to your doom. You are compelled to get a hold of objects--marshmallows, strawberries, your finger--and have that liquid chocolatey goodness shower over them like a cool summer rain.... Until mean people like Loren pull you away from the dessert table and demand that you walk around with your award held up high so that photographers will recognize a good photo-op. Honorees, he says, should not be seen holding food. Bastard. I only managed to shove one strawberry and one marshmallow down my throat. And photographers didn't recognize me anyway. They're taller than I am. Last night, I attended the East West Players' 40th Anniversary Visionary Awards at the Hilton Universal City and accepted the Made in America Award, which purports that I have made a significant contribution to Asian-American theater. John Cho (Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Better Luck Tomorrow)and Amy Hill  (50 First Dates, All-American Girl) presented my award, and they were like a vaudevillian comedy duo.  I should write them a sitcom--an intellectual sitcom called John and Amy Go to Hearst Castle or something like that. My speech was something like this (I'm doing this from memory, so correct me if I'm wrong): "Thank you, John. Thank you, Amy. I'm so excited. I feel so Asian right now, and I love it! This award has special meaning for me because the first full-length play I ever had produced was Big Hunk o' Burnin' Love at East West Players. It was that play and that production that really launched my career and helped bring me to where I am today. And East West Players is a place that I've been able to return to to share my work with the community and to share my knowledge as an instructor at their Writers Institute and to be entertained as an audience member. And it's a place that I will keep returning to for the rest of my life! And I know this is true of a lot of artists: for me, being an artist hasn't always been an easy road--but it's the only road I know. And it's organizations like East West Players and the people who work for East West Players and the people who support East West Players that help me keep focus and inspire me to keep on doing what I'm doing. And for that, I am eternally grateful." Lauren Tom (Bad Santa, King of the Hill) hosted the evening, but I was unable to get a picture with her because I was dipping a strawberry while she was leaving. And Sandra Oh (Sideways, Grey's Anatomy) was there accepting an award too, but I was dipping a marshmallow while she was leaving. I also failed to get photos of fellow honorees Emily Kuroda (Gilmore Girls) and Alberto Isaac (director/actor extraordinaire) or of Amy Hill and Russell Wong (Romeo Must Die, Vanishing Son). Goddamn dessert table. Loren did, however, manage to snap a few good pics: In the VIP room before the ceremony, I went up to fellow honoree Tamlyn Tomita (The Joy Luck Club, Come See the Paradise) and said, "Hi, Tamlyn, I think we met somewhere before, right?" That's when she promptly reminded me that she had starred in a staged reading of one of my plays at the Mark Taper Forum. I felt dumb. But, shit, that was like eight years ago. I've been a fan of John Cho since 1998 when I saw him in a play at the East West Players' old space in Silver Lake and in an actors' showcase, where he did a scene with his now-wife Kerri Higuchi, who incidentally was in the world premiere production of Big Hunk o' Burnin' Love and keeps getting more and more fabulous as an actress and as a human being. John wore a thin black tie like I did and I screamed, "My tie is thinner than yours!" And he said that he never knew that you could claim some kind of macho victory over that fact. But I did. Because regular ties make me look like a clown. An Asian clown. Thin ties conform to my slim frame. Eat that, Cho! And Alec Mapa (Connie and Carla, Half & Half), who's one of the funniest people I know, will never admit this in public, but he is truly and madly and deeply in love with me. The award itself is pretty fabulous. I slept with it all night long. That's what famous people do. (24 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
9:49 pm	How to Buy Pants Reporting From San Francisco, California. Most of you know by now that I'm getting a huge-ass award on Monday. For those of you who don't, here's a quick recap (for those of you who do, skip this paragraph): East West Players--the oldest Asian-American theater, as well as the longest-running theater of color, in the United States--is having its 40th Anniversary Visionary Awards Dinner and Silent Auction at the Hilton Universal City, and I will be receiving the Made in America Award, which recognizes an artist who has made a significant contribution to Asian American theater! Remember when I told you a few months ago that I am one of the greatest playwrights of my generation? Well, now I have proof! An award with a glass edges so sharp that I can stab you in the heart if you attempt to refute me! The full press release is here. So when they told me that I was getting this award, the first thing I asked was: "WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?" I've been on a grueling several-week long mission to find the perfect outfit. I want to look really nice, but my one caveat is that I don't want to end up looking like an office worker. I mean, how stupid is it to show up to a fancy awards dinner looking like I'm there to process your tax forms? Blazer and tie--no problem! I love Hot Topic! Snazzy dress shirt--no problem! I love H & M! Pants--now here's where things get difficult. I have a hard time finding pants that fit me right because I'm very concerned about my ass. My ass has to look good. I don't know how some people go through life wearing jeans and pants that ride up the crack of their ass. When they walk, it looks like THEIR ASS IS EATING THEIR PANTS. It's comical at best; disturbing at worst. I often find nice pants, but they either make my shapely ass look as flat as a flattened pancake or they hug my ass nicely but crawl dangerously deep between my cheeks. There's an art to finding the right pants. You should take as much care as I do. Your ass is not that hungry. (Number of times the word "ass" was used in this journal entry: 7.) (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 31st, 2006
9:57 pm	How to Know What Your Pet Is Thinking Reporting From San Francisco, California. PRINCE: Can we hire pet psychic? LOREN: What? PRINCE: A pet psychic. LOREN: No. PRINCE: But don't you wanna know what Pork Chop is thinking? LOREN: No. PRINCE: Please? LOREN: No. PRINCE: But if we hire a pet psychic, we can find out what he really thinks of us. LOREN: No. PRINCE: Well, okay, I mean, we can find out who he loves more. LOREN: How much does a pet psychic cost? PRINCE: I don't know. LOREN: Find out how much it costs. PRINCE: I should write an article about pet psychics. Have you ever seen an article on pet psychics in Esquire or GQ or anything? LOREN: No. PRINCE: You see, now there's an article I would really want to read. I should pitch it. They would pay me to hire a bunch of different pet psychics. We could get a second, third, fourth opinion. LOREN: Opinion on what? PRINCE: On how much Pork Chop loves me more than you (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
8:10 pm	How to Be a Groupie Without Being a Groupie Reporting From San Francisco, California. Obsession is an art form. It takes mad skillz to be completely focused on something without coming across as a nutcase. (By the way, the word "nutcase" is a sorely underused word in the English language.) A few weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to be in Los Angeles to see Ben Lee in concert at the Silent Movie Theatre. An odd venue for a concert, but it worked--Ben on his acoustic guitar and Lara Meyerratken on everything else (a sit-down bass drum, keyboard, shakers, tambourine, piano, backing vocals--an amazing one-woman band), crammed onto a small stage never meant for musicians. Ben's 2005 album, Awake Is the New Sleep, is my favorite CD of last year, an eclectic blend of spiritually literate pop songs, teetering between longing and hope. You may have heard "Catch My Disease," the album's, ahem, infectious debut single--yes, that's a motherfucking toy piano! So the concert was amazing. Laughs. Sing alongs. Sweet-ass music. His final song was an earnest performance of "We're All in This Together," and it brought tears to my eyes. I bypassed the merch table, where Ben was hanging out after the show. Sure, I wanted to touch the hem of his garment and ask him what kind of hair care products he used, but that's what a groupie would do, and I am not a groupie. I am a groupie who's not a groupie. You see the difference now? I stumbled out onto the sidewalk, and the world seemed to come into focus. Like the meaning of life and shit. Like after a really great event like that, you're motivated to clarify your purpose in the world and make things happen. So I turned right around, went to the box office, paid $20, entered the theater, and saw the late show. Ben played four songs he didn't play during the early show. It was worth it. Afterward, I once again bypassed the merch table, thinking about garment hems and hair care products. I got into my car and cried. Not a bad kind of cry. You know how there are good kind of cries? That was a good kind of cry. It's like when it rains, and the dirt on your windows washes off. You can see clearly again. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
11:00 pm	How to Tell the Difference Between Amoral and Immoral Reporting From San Francisco, California. I saw Match Point again (Woody Allen's best film in exactly ten years), this time with Thomas, and we spent the rest of the evening arguing about the subtle differences between the words "amoral" and "immoral." I told him that the main character in the movie is immoral, but the movie itself is amoral. But I couldn't explain to Thomas (French to the core) why this is correct. I was unable to properly define both words in contrast to one another. So am I correct? Amoral vs. immoral--please discuss. Thank you in advance for your replies. By the way, Jonathan Rhys Meyers is so incredibly beautiful that I have to look away. He's like the sun. Jonathan Rhys Meyers, will you have my babies? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
2:00 pm	How to Mesmerize Two-Year-Old Boys Reporting From San Francisco, California. The reason I've been in San Francisco for the past three weeks and the reason I haven't been hanging out with all my Armenian friends in Glendale and the reason Pork Chop has been lonely and underfed is because I've been in rehearsal for Oskar: The Kid That Could, a play promoting literacy that will tour elementary schools, starting on Monday. Earlier this week, we had our first run-through performance in front of an audience of kids and their parents.  It was one of the best performances of one of my plays ever because I was told that the audience's sole two-year-old boy was riveted--his eyes were glued to the show from beginning to end, 45 full minutes. Capturing the complete attention of a two-year-old boy for nearly an hour is perhaps the greatest triumph of my writing career. I AM INVINCIBLE. Working on shows is fun because we get to do things like go to malls and shop for costumes. Here's actor Jennifer, director Mary, stage manager Elissa, and actor Patrick (who's playing the brattiest 10-year-old kid this side of Mountain View) looking for Converse shoes: Er, rather, they are posing with Converse shoes. You see, they're very theatrical, these theater people, er, I mean, theatRE people. Mary noticed today that the show is accidentally slated mid-run to play at a middle school (like, HELLO, eight graders!), which will probably be one of the most bizarre if not completely traumatizing experiences of the actors' lives. You see, the two of them do things like scrunch up their faces and say, "PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY" (see below), which cracks up kindergartners, but is liable to get them shot past grade five. Jennifer can do scary/crazy/unstable like nobody's business, as she does in The Maids, and Patrick can do brooding/crazy/unstable like nobody's business, as he does in and as Hamlet, but Oskar isn't like that. It's lots of PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY. They had better wear bullet proof vests. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
8:49 pm	How to Buy Concert Tickets From a Scalper Reporting From San Francisco, California. So I'm in the Japantown parking garage, on my way to see Fort Minor in concert at the Fillmore. My friends know that I have this thing where I only listen to white rap (Eminem, The Streets), but I am branching out. Fort Minor is fronted by Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park fame--I think he's half-Japanese--and their debut album, The Rising Tied, features such catchy and confrontational tracks as "Remember the Name" and the WWII-Japanese-internment-history-lesson- disguised-as-a-hip-hop-song, "Kenji." They also have an amazing string section (!). That's right--aggressive hip-hop complemented by guys on violin and cello. I saw them blow away the audience at the Myspace Anniversary Party at Dodger Stadium in L.A. last year before anyone knew who they were. Three frat-ish guys park next to me, and one of them decides to take a piss behind a pole. I get to the box office to discover that the show is completely sold out. Shit. And I ask myself, "How do I buy concert tickets from a scalper?"--especially since the Fillmore staff guy near the door knows that I don't have a ticket (I kept asking him about it). What would happen if I showed up at the door again with a ticket--would he bust me? But I don't even know if I would make it that far because my parents never taught me about the art of scalping. I know enough to know that the middle-aged black men in hoodies and/or beards with signs that say "I NEED TICKETS" do not actually need tickets. I know that they are my scalpers. But how does it work? Are some of them undercover policemen? I'm scared! So the question "How do I buy concert tickets from a scalper?" continues to burn in my mind. I need an answer, and I need it now because the show starts soon. I call Loren. No answer. I call Rica. No answer. I call Thomas. No answer. I call Gabriel. No answer. I call Brent. No answer. My friends have unwittingly let me down. I wander back toward the parking garage, and I see an Asian dude negotiating with one of the scalpers. The Asian dude is trying to sell his extra ticket to the scalper, and they cannot agree on a price. At that point, I should've injected myself between them and said, "Hey, Asian dude, help a brother out. I need me some Fort Minor action tonight." But before I can assert myself, their deal is done. Now I wonder if I should just approach one of the "I NEED TICKETS" guys and see what happens. Police cars start to circle the block. I decide to leave. In the parking garage, the frat-ish guys are still there, and they are just now leaving their truck. The entire garage smells like pot. I go home. I watch the video for "Remember the Name" online, and I make it so that you can too by clicking here. I'm nice. And a little high. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
11:28 pm	A Lesson in Alcohol Reporting From San Francisco, California. I haven't seen the love of my life, Pork Chop, in a while because I'm in the Bay Area. But Loren has been so kind to send me a cautionary tale in pictures: When Pork Chop gets drunk... ...he thinks he's Mexican. (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
10:50 am	Becoming Bi Reporting From Glendale, California. I will be living in San Francisco half-time staring on February 5--which means that I will now be bi. (Bi-city, silly! Like I would ever touch a woman down there!) When several months of being a new L.A. transplant sent me into therapy a few years ago, one of the seemingly insurmountable goals I set with my therapist (whose initials were "J.C."--just like Jesus Christ!) was to work towards having an apartment in L.A. and San Francisco--so that I could still be connected to the city that made me into the man I am today, the city where I spent my entire adult life (up until three years ago). So now, finally, I return--thanks to multiple writing projects and teaching gigs. I guess that MFA is good for something after all. (By the way, I am still looking to rent a room; let me know if you have any leads. PLEASE! I don't want to be living in San Francisco again only to end up in some crack hotel on "Lower Nob Hill." Don't you just love that?! "Lower Nob Hill." San Franciscans will understand why that's so goddamn funny.) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 30th, 2006
11:01 am	Variations on a Theme Note to self: I love Gay Anal Sex. ~~~~~ Gay Anal Sex, I wish I knew how to quit you! ~~~~~ My Gay Anal Sex lies over the ocean My Gay Anal Sex lies over the sea Bring back, bring back Bring back my Gay Anal Sex to me, to me Bring back my Gay Anal Sex to me ~~~~~ Four out of five doctors agree: Gay Anal Sex! ~~~~~ My fellow Americans, ask not what Gay Anal Sex can do for you. Ask what you can do for Gay Anal Sex. ~~~~~ Gay Anal Sextra, Sextra, read all about it! ~~~~~ This program is brought to you by: Gay Anal Sex. ~~~~~ There's always room for Gay Anal Sex. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 28th, 2006
10:41 am	Pork Chop's New Hairdo! Reporting From Glendale, California. (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 27th, 2006
9:05 am	Bridge Over Fiji Water Reporting From Glendale, California. I've been reading a lot about water lately. I know, I know--it all sounds horribly boring. But I'm at that age where things like water and 60 Minutes hold a certain fascination for me. My biggest resolution for the new year has been to upgrade the quality of water that I drink. After some research, I have adpoted a lifestyle in which Fiji brand water is my main liquid intake from day to day. My friends make fun of me because they say it's expensive and very pretentious (I seem more L.A. because of it), but, when you consider the fact that our bodies are seventy percent water, I don't want to fuck around anymore. Plus, I don't drink coffee, so what money people normally throw at Starbucks I throw at water. What is Fiji Water? Well, I ripped some text right off their website for your reading pleasure: Preserved and protected by its source and location, FIJI Water's aquifer is in a virgin ecosystem at the edge of a primitive rainforest, a continent away from the nearest industrialized civilization. Our rainfall is purified by equatorial winds after traveling thousands of miles across the Pacific Ocean. Winds that carry acid rain and pollutants to other parts of the planet just don't come our way.... In the remote Yaqara Valley of Viti Levu, at the very edge of a primitive rainforest, lies a vast artesian aquifer, a huge volcanic chamber confined by the rock walls of an ancient crater. This is the source of FIJI Water. By definition, artesian water comes from a source deep within the earth, protected by layers of clay and rock. There is no opening, not even a porthole to the surface. As a result, the water never comes into contact with the air, protecting it from environmental pollutants and other contamination.... You see, FIJI Water's state-of-the-art bottling facility was designed to protect the purity and quality of our water every step of the way. It literally sits right on top of an aquifer, and the water is drawn into the plant using a completely sealed delivery system, designed to prevent any possibility of human contact. So, until you unscrew the cap, FIJI Water never meets the compromised air of the 21st century. C'mon, people! That's amazing! You want to make fun of me? Well, you and your Sparkletts water can go fuck yourselves! ~~~~~~ Australian singer/songwriter Ben Lee's new album, Awake Is the New Sleep, is one of the best albums I have ever heard! I think it's the first spiritually literate pop album I have ever stumbled upon. If you don't know what I mean by that, you just have to listen to the whole thing for yourself. You can watch the music video for the first single off the album,"Catch My Disease," by clicking here. ~~~~~ And here are more pics from the Inverness recording sessions in San Rafael.... Danny, the drummer, is getting his freak on with the tambourine: Mike, the bassist, gets upset when you make fun of his harmonies because there's no reason to make fun of them--the producer/engineer says Mike is pitch-perfect: And, of course, sometimes it's necessary for me to get my hands dirty: Don't fuck with me! (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
11:09 pm	Commence the Pants-Crapping Reporting From Glendale, California. If I told you a year ago that I would be executive producing one of the greatest pop-punk albums of all time, you surely would've crapped your pants in disbelief right on the spot. If I told that to you today, there would be a few-second delay before the pants-crapping. So: I am telling you that today. One second...two seconds...three seconds...crap. Yes, I just spent two long days in the studio with Inverness, the band I "discovered" for my punk-rock musical, Emophiliacs, which blew people away last summer. (Remember, I scoured the state and listened to hundreds of bands before stumbling upon Inverness on the internet.) I'm overseeing the production of their debut full-length album, which is due out this summer and which, incidentally, will make me the hero of suburban teenagers across the country. (Hey, if I had to choose between high school hero and nursing home hero, I'd choose high school any day.... I think.) Our goal has always been to produce an album with absolutely no filler, no clunkers, nothing you would skip. Ten perfect songs that all would equally fare well in the hit-hungry marketplace. And I have always known that these four boys have the talent and the drive to make it so. (Plus, they do whatever I say, so that helps.) Anyway, my main job in the studio is to sit around and look grumpy and every twenty minutes yell out, "I don't like that!" Hey, it's that punk attitude that's going to make the album. Look at Mr. Grumpus: Here's James and Travis laying down some lead guitar tracks for a couple of the songs: All right, so the picture of James is a little posed, but, damn, he looks good with that guitar. (By the way, when Travis went on a Jack-in-the-Box food run for the band, I told him to get me something I could actually eat. He brought me back an Asian Chicken Salad. Let me repeat that: ASIAN Chicken Salad. Ugh. White people. I picked out the chicken, ate the salad, and felt like opening a laundromat.) (Keeping in the spirit of things, at the end of last night, I threw my keys to James and said, "You back my car out of this narrow driveway. I can't do it. I'm an Asian driver." And, alas, that last statement is truer than you think.) Well, we now have three complete songs (except for some tweaking and final mixing and mastering), and I think they're fantastic. I'm very excited to share some of them with you, and I will let you know where and when they'll be available to sample. This album will be one of the crowing achievements of my life--just you watch, motherfuckers! (By the way, my suggestions for album titles include: "Just You Watch, Motherfuckers!"; "A Mouth Is a Mouth, and a Hole Is a Hole"; and "Lupus Hunters"--but I get the distinct feeling that none of those titles will fly. Hey, an executive producer credit doesn't necessarily mean you get everything you want.) (5 Comments |Comment on this)